Vote for it!

Jackie has submitted the above photograph from our Peru travels to the Condé Nast Traveler Dream Trip Travel Contest on Concierge.com. She said if she wins she'll take me and I promise to get you all better gifts when we go so vote! (no reg. required)

Get Human

The gethuman project is a consumer movement to improve the quality of phone support in the US. This free website is run by volunteers and is powered by over one million consumers who demand high quality phone support from the companies that they use.

The site tells you what you need to do at each prompt to get a human for various companies, from automotive firms to credit card companies and so on.

A Little Oral in the Mornin'

This morning before about 11:00 am, this is what you would have seen if you looked at me with your saucy little X-ray eyes. But I’ve gone with a different look. Instead, I now don’t have the outer left or right teeth on the top (the white squares on my teeth are past fillings).

All in all the oral surgery was fine. I have heard horror stories from some people who have had their wisdom teeth out so it was a relief to me that I have had so little discomfort (so far).

The surgery, for those of you who have never had endured it went a little something like this:

When I arrived I was asked if I had had anything to eat or drink and who as going to pick me up. I hadn’t eaten/drank, and couldn’t since I was going to be put under general anesthesia, which incidentally, wasn’t really a point of discussion. I was told during my initial consultation that “you’ll be under anesthesia and as a result can’t eat or drink for 6 hours before hand”. In any case this eating/drinking/ride home thing was asked to me by ever single individual I interacted with. They would actually ask over each other to try to be the first person in the last 10 seconds to have asked me. I assumes it was therefor of no medical concern and was rather some elaborate inside joke.

After, a man brought me to a room had me sit down. He then strapped me into a blood pressure cuff that would continuously track my BP, then attached EEG leads to monitor my heart rate (there was something super comforting about hearing my heart beeping to me), a throat mic which when turned on, magnified the sound of my breathing (creepy) and some finger clip that they explained they’d put onto my finger, but with little explanation as to it’s purpose.

Once I’m all strapped in the doc and team all show up to just sit around and watch the next part, which I suspect was comedic at my expense because they seemed all giddy but which I can’t recall much of in any case.

The doc did the whole “I’m Junkie, lets find a vein game”, swabbed my arm and then sprayed the stuff they are will be using to freeze hell over. I have no idea what it was but it was cold and only got colder. When he stopped spraying, the needle jab for the IV was pleasant in comparison.

Then the following conversation occurred:

Doc: What is your favorite Cocktail?
Ian: (thinking beer-beer-beer, blurts out the first thing that comes into my head) Long Island Ice Tea.
(Everyone nods of approval)
Doc: Well when it feels like you’ve had one of these let me know.
Ian: Okay. Boy, this is really great, I could use a nap...whoa, yeah feels like I’ve had a couple now doc.
(More nods of approval)
And then I wake up, which gauze in my mouth (which incidentally is not a singular experience in my life but that isn’t a matter for public discussion, now is it?)

Some final facts and observations.
A) The anesthesia wears off in 6 minutes once it is discontinued which is cool.
B) Removing the top wisdom teeth is much less traumatic than the bottom according to the doc.
C) I had the doc send in my prescription to Kaiser because it’s cheaper for me to get it there but lo and behold there was another set of prescriptions (read Vicodin) waiting for me at the Dental Clinic. Yeah, I paid for that one and too it home too.
D) I just took my second ever Vicodin. So far it doesn’t seem to be doing much for me (well nothing hurts but I’m not wasted.)  lin to wasted fly
E) I asked to keep the teeth and they said they would but first they have to sterilize them. Do you think a necklace is too macabre? I thought a ring would be more tasteful.

A Post for Posterity

Hey Theo, if you are reading this you still know who I am, which rocks. Last night your mom and dad were nice enough to invite me over only two days after you were born to check you out. Dude, you are SMALL. Seriously, I’ve had turkeys that you could hide inside of. TINY. When I picked you up though, you were light as a feather. It was hard to believe you weighed even 6lbs.

In any case there is something I wanted to get off my chest so there are no bad feelings between us. As you know you were born on a Saturday and traditionally your dad and I go surfing on Sunday mornings. But seeing how you were born, that totally didn’t happen and I have been teasing you and Jason about it. But to be honest, it was so damn cold on Sunday I was secretly hoping you’d be born so we didn’t have to go. So thanks for not waiting till your due date on Monday. Hopefully it’ll be warmer next weekend.

Thanks again and I’ll be seeing you around.

A Screwed Up Childhood in the making

From Plastic.com

When Christy Wizner of Heppner, Oregon gave birth to a baby girl back in April of 2004, the father, Chad Doherty, said he wanted to be a part of his daughter's life even though he and Christy weren't going to get married. He assumed that the girl's last name would naturally be Doherty. He assumed wrong. Christy, who had divorced but kept the last name Wizner, had three other children all with the last name Wizner. It was her desire that her youngest child have the same surname as her older siblings. Doherty disagreed and thus began a two year legal squabble.

I link the poster wicked_sprite summed it up concisely

Seriously, you are born and your parents spend years fighting over your last name in court. Just wait for the spank-or-not-to-spank battle. This child is hosed.

Adventures in Motocycle Riding

Jason did a pretty good job of summing up our motorcycle adventure this Sunday

Ford Explores Can't Tow Uhaul Trailers

This weekend finds me renting a Uhaul to pick up two motorcycles I found on craiglist.

If I may digress a moment, yes this does in fact make me a crazy motorcycle dude. This is based of a set of criteria derived from the crazy cat lady rule.

1 cat - nice kitty.
2 cats - nice kitties can play with each other.
3 cats - whoa, that is a lot of urine/hairballs/poo/fur.
4+ cats - you are a crazy cat lady (your gender doesn't matter).

I have made some serious efforts to maintain a limit of no more than three motorbikes at once. That will no longer be possible. So I give in, I'm the crazy motorcycle dude as this image suggests.


Back to the subject at hand, I'm renting a Uhaul to pick up two motorcycles.

And while perusing the FAQ page I found this little surprise under the Equipment section

Why can't I rent a certain piece of equipment?

...

Ford Explorer owners: U-Haul has chosen not to rent behind this tow vehicle based on our history of excessive costs in defending lawsuits involving Ford Explorer towing combinations. This policy is not related to safety issues. This is an unusual circumstance for U-Haul – we have built our success for over 59 years by saying "yes" to our customers, and do not like saying "no" instead. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and are committed to working with our customers to find alternative options to help with their move. Please contact 1-800-GO-UHAUL (1-800-468-4285) for assistance with alternative options.

That was a surprise!

Incidentally, I also learned that cars rented using credit cards are usually covered buy the CC's rental car insurance program, but those programs usually do NOT cover Uhaul, or any sort of pickup trucks. AMEX doesn't even cover full Size SUV's, and in any case you have to be the primary driver and us the CC to pay for the rental. They will, however, send you a proof of insurance for you to use at the car rental place, which is nice if you are like me and don't have car insurance.