A Little Oral in the Mornin'

This morning before about 11:00 am, this is what you would have seen if you looked at me with your saucy little X-ray eyes. But I’ve gone with a different look. Instead, I now don’t have the outer left or right teeth on the top (the white squares on my teeth are past fillings).

All in all the oral surgery was fine. I have heard horror stories from some people who have had their wisdom teeth out so it was a relief to me that I have had so little discomfort (so far).

The surgery, for those of you who have never had endured it went a little something like this:

When I arrived I was asked if I had had anything to eat or drink and who as going to pick me up. I hadn’t eaten/drank, and couldn’t since I was going to be put under general anesthesia, which incidentally, wasn’t really a point of discussion. I was told during my initial consultation that “you’ll be under anesthesia and as a result can’t eat or drink for 6 hours before hand”. In any case this eating/drinking/ride home thing was asked to me by ever single individual I interacted with. They would actually ask over each other to try to be the first person in the last 10 seconds to have asked me. I assumes it was therefor of no medical concern and was rather some elaborate inside joke.

After, a man brought me to a room had me sit down. He then strapped me into a blood pressure cuff that would continuously track my BP, then attached EEG leads to monitor my heart rate (there was something super comforting about hearing my heart beeping to me), a throat mic which when turned on, magnified the sound of my breathing (creepy) and some finger clip that they explained they’d put onto my finger, but with little explanation as to it’s purpose.

Once I’m all strapped in the doc and team all show up to just sit around and watch the next part, which I suspect was comedic at my expense because they seemed all giddy but which I can’t recall much of in any case.

The doc did the whole “I’m Junkie, lets find a vein game”, swabbed my arm and then sprayed the stuff they are will be using to freeze hell over. I have no idea what it was but it was cold and only got colder. When he stopped spraying, the needle jab for the IV was pleasant in comparison.

Then the following conversation occurred:

Doc: What is your favorite Cocktail?
Ian: (thinking beer-beer-beer, blurts out the first thing that comes into my head) Long Island Ice Tea.
(Everyone nods of approval)
Doc: Well when it feels like you’ve had one of these let me know.
Ian: Okay. Boy, this is really great, I could use a nap...whoa, yeah feels like I’ve had a couple now doc.
(More nods of approval)
And then I wake up, which gauze in my mouth (which incidentally is not a singular experience in my life but that isn’t a matter for public discussion, now is it?)

Some final facts and observations.
A) The anesthesia wears off in 6 minutes once it is discontinued which is cool.
B) Removing the top wisdom teeth is much less traumatic than the bottom according to the doc.
C) I had the doc send in my prescription to Kaiser because it’s cheaper for me to get it there but lo and behold there was another set of prescriptions (read Vicodin) waiting for me at the Dental Clinic. Yeah, I paid for that one and too it home too.
D) I just took my second ever Vicodin. So far it doesn’t seem to be doing much for me (well nothing hurts but I’m not wasted.)  lin to wasted fly
E) I asked to keep the teeth and they said they would but first they have to sterilize them. Do you think a necklace is too macabre? I thought a ring would be more tasteful.