Mr. X. And The Promise of Five Babies and Ten Years.

I recently had an interesting conversation with someone I hope isn’t reading this blog. He mentioned how he was divorced and how he felt at least part of the reason for the divorce was that his wife had her tubes tied after the birth of their third child and she didn’t tell him. See, he and his wife had agreed before they got married that they would have a large family, five children to be exact. He had had many brothers and sister growing up and wanted the same for his children. But as we have already mentioned she was done after three, had the operation and didn’t tell him till much later. And this bothered him a great deal. They had spoken about it and they had both agreed and he felt betrayed, he left she had gone back on his word. Which to some extent is understandable.

But the thing is, we change. It’s not even a matter of choice. A friend of mine mentioned how she was in a classroom and one of the students was a much older woman. And my friend was thinking that for this woman, it seemed like the years of sex were over. That she had moved on in life. Or to use her fantastic analogy, that when we were kids we were all about jump roping for example, and the thought of making out with anyone was as gross as gross could be and the thought of not being able to jump rope or run around in circles at recess was the worst possible event. But now Jump roping is something we don’t even think about and sex has become the primary concern of..., well I don’t want to speak for others but I think you get the point. So basically at some point in the future, playing with grand kids or playing golf or some such thing, that even now we can’t imagine or only can imagine with distaste will be our ideal activity.

And so it goes back to the promises we make that we can’t keep. This woman had wanted five kids, but at some point your mind changes itself and the things you wanted and love aren’t the same. And there isn’t much to be done or said. You can’t go back, but you can’t continue. The position in untenable. And that, I think, is the only promise we can make to each other. I think maybe we can promise today, and maybe next week, but the promise of ten years is a promise I hold no one to. I may hope for it to be true, for them to hold themselves to it, but as they say hope springs eternal even in the face of overwhelming experience and evidence.